Double Standards
by abydonian
Summary: episode tag:Line in the Sand...Vala cannot come to terms with the loss of Daniel. Recent events and decisions cause her to question the morals of SG1.


General Landry hadn't even concluded the debriefing when Vala stood and hurriedly exited the room. She knew he wouldn't be pleased, but also knew that no one would make an issue of it. She had told everyone what had happened on the Ori ship, so she figured that they'd just assume she was upset over all the stuff with Tomin. In the debriefing, they'd tried to reassure her that he might not have been killed for his participation in her escape. She knew better. And even if Tomin wasn't dead, in a way he was. The good man that she'd met was gone. Sure, he'd saved her and let her know that he still cared for her, but he wasn't the same. He said he didn't want to kill innocent people, but the fact that he was capable of taking lives the way he did was a sure sign that he was too far gone in his beliefs to ever be the man she'd briefly shared her life with again. For Vala, Tomin had died the day the Prior had healed him and he'd begun to prepare for war. So, yes, she was upset over what had happened on the Ori ship, but it hadn't hurt her as much as she (and everyone else) thought it would.

The real reason she'd stormed out of the briefing room was that she couldn't listen to Cameron Mitchell's report for another minute without doing or saying something she knew she'd regret. She was proud of herself for recognizing this and leaving before something disastrous happened. Not long ago, she would have said whatever she wanted to and to hell with whatever anyone else thought about her. That was just the way she was. But Daniel had tried to get her to think before she spoke. _Everything you say or do has a consequence._ he'd told her. _If you can live with it, fine. If not, try to find another way._ If she'd said what she really wanted to at the meeting, she'd probably end up upsetting the team balance, which could endanger them on future missions. That was not something she could live with, so she found another way. One that had now led her to Daniel's empty office.

She walked over to his desk and hopped up to sit on it as she had done many times before. She smiled at the memory of the crunching sound his glasses had made when she accidentally sat on them one of those times. She'd been annoying him that day and he'd gotten upset with her. Now, her smile faded as she wished he was here for her to annoy, even if it meant that he'd be mad at her. But she was afraid she'd never get that chance again. Daniel was gone. They had lost him. No, that wasn't right. When you lost something, it meant that you misplaced it, by accident, and would probably look for it diligently. Daniel hadn't been lost. They had let him slowly deteriorate from the effects of that device, then purposefully left him behind, and now they weren't even actively looking for him. Lost wasn't the right word. Abandoned or sacrificed were probably a lot closer to the truth. She hadn't wanted to do that to him, but Mitchell had said it was necessary. But now…

"Vala Mal Doran, are you alright?"

"I'm just fine, Muscles." Vala responded, not looking at Teal'c, who had just entered the office.

"You are not."

"No," Vala admitted. "But you knew that before coming, so why did you even bother asking? More importantly, why did you even come here? To ask how I was? Did it ever occur to you that if I really wanted to talk, wouldn't I have stayed at your little meeting?"

"I was merely concerned of your well-being. If you wish to be alone, I shall take my leave."

Vala looked over to see Teal'c bow his head and turn to go. "Wait." He stopped. "Can I ask you a question?" He faced her once again, one of his eyebrows raised. She took that as permission to continue. "If there were a rule that someone claimed to live by and forced others to as well, shouldn't it apply to everyone and everything?"

"Indeed, it should." Teal'c replied. "To do otherwise would be to demonstrate favoritism."

"Right." Vala agreed. "Double standards, and all that."

Teal'c looked at her, almost curiously. "Is there a reason you ask?"

"You've been with these people longer than I have, do they do that a lot? Follow a rule only until they don't like it, then it's, 'Oh, hey, well, that's inconvenient right now, so let's just do whatever I please!'? Because, if so, then I'm disappointed. I thought… well, everyone else in the universe is like that, and then there's Daniel, and he's not, so I assumed the rest of them held themselves to the same moral level, but now I just don't know." Vala knew she was rambling, and that her voice had become emotional, but she just couldn't bring herself to care. Nor could she stop herself from continuing to spill out everything she'd been feeling since she'd run from the debriefing. "We abandoned him, Teal'c. We let him sacrifice himself for us. We watched as Daniel destroyed himself by using that thing to build the Sangraal, and Mitchell said not to stop him. Apparently, anything we can use to fight the Ori is worth more than a person's life. Then, when Daniel told us to go, did Mitchell even take a second to think about how Daniel would get out of there? No. Daniel's life didn't matter as much as our escape. I hated it. I didn't want to accept it, but I had no choice, did I? It was one of the rules. If it's a choice between one person's life or advanced technology, we have to choose the latter. Same for a choice between one person or an entire group, right? That's what Mitchell was saying, right?"

"Indeed." Teal'c agreed, although he didn't look particularly happy with the idea.

"Well, what about now?!" Vala yelled. "In his report, Mitchell admits that he refused to give up on Sam. Twice! First, wouldn't leave her to get Merlin's device to safety. He was going to blow up something we could use to fight the Ori so that he could stay with her. She was willing to sacrifice herself to get it back through the 'gate, but Mitchell refused. Then he risked an entire village, yourself included, being wiped out to save her." Vala could see that Teal'c now understood what she was talking about. She pressed on. "What make's her life any more important that Daniel's? Why is it okay to lose Daniel for some stupid weapon that we don't even know will work, but we'll give up a device we already have to save Sam? And how come our lives are more important than Daniel's, but Sam is worth risking hundreds of people. Who make's up these stupid rules?!" A tear slowly worked its way down her face. She sniffled as she tried to regain control.

"I agree that Colonel Mitchell seems to have been unfair in his decision to sacrifice Daniel Jackson, yet save Colonel Carter." Teal'c stated. "But has it occurred to you that perhaps it was the event with Daniel Jackson that led him to make a different choice this time around?"

"What do you mean?"

"Perhaps, the loss of Daniel Jackson has made him realize that it is not always wise to sacrifice a member of your team for the greater good."

Vala thought it over for a moment. "So, you think maybe he feel's bad about Daniel and doesn't want to make the same mistake twice."

"It is possible."

"Still doesn't bring Daniel back."

"It does not." Teal'c confirmed. "But there is one more thing you must consider."

"What's that?"

"Do you believe Daniel Jackson would have wished Colonel Carter to die in an attempt to abide by the same rule that demanded his sacrifice?"

"No." Vala shook her head. "And I'm not saying I wanted anything bad to happen to Sam, either. I just wish we hadn't had to lose Daniel in order to decide that abandoning our people is a bad idea."

"As do I."

Vala sighed. "Well, if we ever get him back, we'll just have to let him know that we no longer agree with self-sacrifice."

Teal'c inclined his head in agreement. After a moment of silence, the Jaffa turned and left, sensing that the conversation was over. Vala sighed heavily as she jumped down from the desk. She prayed that one day soon she'd be able to let Daniel know of the decision they'd just made.


End file.
